Back to Me

Back to Me

There was a time not long ago that Jesus on His throne
Whispered out my child’s name and gently called her home

Carried up in Angel’s wings she arrived at heaven’s gate
Where loved ones gone before her stood prepared to celebrate

Then Christ in all His glory came and gently took her hand
And there in all its beauty stood the place that He had planned...

No pain, no death, no graves, no tears just beauty to behold
She walked with Jesus hand in hand down streets all paved in gold

He led them to a meadow hill all filled with fragrant flowers
Where days, and weeks, and months, and years all seemed but just an hour

She talked with Jesus as they walked and felt His love so dear
He looked at her and sweetly said, “I’m glad that you are here…

For just a few short years ago I placed you on the earth
I formed you in your mother’s womb and chose your day of birth

I followed you through every year and watched you as you grew
I wiped your tears and held you near and shared your joys with you

I blessed you with a family to love and care for you
I watched you play, and kept you safe… as all good fathers do

And when the time had come to pass to gently call you home
I held you in my loving arms so you were not alone

When you saw me doing this, You didn’t understand
But simply followed in my steps and tightly held my hand

I numbered all your days on earth and now they’ve come to pass
Your precious soul is safely home, you’re here with me at last!

Your family will miss you so but I will bring them peace
My mercy’s never ending and my love will never cease

For they shall know as you do now… with their own eyes they’ll see
That life is everlasting you’re just coming back to me!

Catching Up!

I realize that my previous post below is titled, "Last Day of School". I'm smiling as I write this because I guess our summer must have been extremely busy.....We are now into our first week of school in the new school year and I'm finally posting again!

This summer was filled with resume writing, outdoor excursions, applying for numerous teaching positions, and many opportunities to referee arguments and down right fist fights between my children. Something about long days together....every day.....in the same house....with the same toys....with the same people....who make the same mistakes....UGH!!! It doesn't help that money was tight so opportunities to get out were somewhat limited and to add to the ambiance our air conditioner doesn't work that well....it's the equivalent of putting two oscillating fans together in the far end of a gymnasium and hoping you feel the breeze clear across the room! It's simply not gonna happen! So yeah...turn up the heat, keep things uneventful and, poof....you have sibling rivalry!

Even though I won't miss the fighting I will miss the lazy days of summer. Days of sleeping in until 8 am (yeah that's sleeping in when you have a 1 year old), hanging out in pajamas until you have a reason to get dressed, and just being together and hearing the sounds of the house (yeah even though those sounds are sometimes screams, crying, and a barking dog). Life is so busy but yet so full of blessings!

Life has gotten even busier lately since I became the president of the PTL and have a new teaching job filling my schedule. I'm teaching preschool at Elm Grove Preschool. It's not the same Elm Grove school as my children's school (they go to Elm Grove Lutheran) but it's right across the street from them and Andy gets to go with me. I figure, if I can't be a stay at home mommy at least I can have my little guy with me! I'm enjoying the getting out of the house part but the job is tiring. I teach 3 year olds, mop floors, do dishes, and wipe lots of "things". It's not my dream job but it helps pay bills and that's what's needed now. Oh...did I mention?..... I really like the people I work with!

I guess in the long run life is what you make it. I'm feeling blessed to have my kids, my husband, my home....messy as it is.....and all of the other numerous things that inhabit my environment. I could go on and on but I won't because I'm tired and still have much to do tonight. With being gone during the day at my new job it seems like I'm always busy catching up!

Last Day of School!

The last day of school officially arrived! The kids were dressed in chapel clothes, their hands and faces were washed, their hair was meticulously combed, and the sound of birds singing could be heard outside as we went about our morning routine one last time.

Not so with many other days this year. There were days...I'm ashamed to say...that I nearly kicked them out the door and onto the bus because they were fighting with each other, wouldn't eat what I served for breakfast, or had neglected to do homework the night before and added stress to the morning by doing it then. Oh many days it wasn't pretty...and I wasn't pretty...as I stood there in my nightgown, with no bra on, hollering out the door, "Do you have your lunch?", "Did you remember your folder?", "John put your glasses in the case when you're not wearing them!", "Katelyn you dropped your notebook!", "Julie keep your dress down", "Don't play with the windows on the bus!", and my favorite..."John turn your pants around when you get to school!...Did you hear me?...Your pants are on backwards...turn them around at school!"

The end of every school year is bittersweet for me. I stroll down memory lane and remember when the school year started and how excited they were to wear the new clothes (although many were used from Goodwill or families who donated to us), the new shoes, everything down to even their underwear, socks, and school supplies are new and refreshed.

On the first day of school they hurry to the bus with smiles and excitement because they have a clean slate...a new beginning, a fresh start....kind of like a "do over".

Little do they know that after the bus pulls away that first day, I retreat to my messy kitchen and cry. I cry because summer is over...extra time with them is over...and they are a year older with one less summer to explore and enjoy during their childhood years. I know it sounds sappy but I guess I am just a sappy kind of mom and I know when it's over...it's over....School years can get "do overs" and "clean slates"....With parenting, when kids are finally grown and out of the house....there are no "do overs". It's simply over and you hope to have made the most of all of the time you had together. You hope they saw the best of you, forget the worst of you, and especially remember how much they meant to you....always.

As this school year ends and they hop on the bus one last time, I can't help but notice they're all a little taller, they have each outgrown at least one pair of shoes, and have managed decimated most of their folders, art supplies, and lunch boxes. However, in the midst rubble and destroyed school supplies, I am excited to see the beautiful "grown ups" they're becoming. As sad as I am to see them change...the change is for the best. Afterall...life must move forward.

Just like other years....As the bus pulled away this pretty June morning I retreated to our messy kitchen and cried. I strolled down memory lane visiting Julia's pumpkin farm field trip, John's zoo field trip, Katelyn's volleyball and track meets, Kristin's flute concerts, Christmas concerts, the spring concerts, and all of the many busy yet wonderful events that filled our family calendar...My last visit, however, was to the first day of school - where it all began. I remembered four happy faces with smaller hands and smaller feet and then I smiled......because they're still mine!

Casting Stones

Errr...Uggggh....AHHH!!!!! So many things going through my head and yet nothing I can or want to post for public viewing. I can only say that I'm relying on the belief that God works all things out for good...ALL things! I feel overtired, overdrawn, and impatient with life and my tolerance for ignorance is gone. Brutal isn't it?

It's sometimes hard to find the beauty in life with all the muck of current events clouding its' presence. I know it's there...I've seen the beauty before...but sometimes it's hiding and I need to dust off and re-polish a few things to see it.

It's cold and rainy again today which doesn't make the job of finding beauty very easy but it does bring to light that everything, like rain, has a time. Ecclesiastes chapter 3 reminds me that God is OK with everything having its' time.....even hating and casting stones!

I've been casting a lot of stones lately. As I mentioned before, I'm tired of ignorance. I rarely watch the news because it's ignorance's breeding ground. I'm sick of every network from ABC to CNN because they either point out the atrocities of this sick and twisted world we live in or they confirm by simply opening their mouths that most of our global news is through the views of ignorant liberals. It is for this very reason that I avoid most news...even local and weather. I figure I can look out the window and see the weather and as far as local news goes...well...Matt always updates me on new news issues because his computer is set to open up to news on the homepage....definitely not for me!

In spite of depressing news and being angry at liberal news anchors, I have usually been able to shake the gloom and doom disposition and move on but lately I just can't. I hope Jesus comes soon and judges them all on everything from killing babies to killing one of the last Christian countries around. Oh well...time to go dust and re-polish a little more.

My Name is Terri and I'm Addicted to Facebook

There is usually a section on questionnaires where the question..."What are some of your hobbies and interests?"...pops up. I know it's strange but I always had to think ..."What in the world do I actually like to do in my spare time?" I'm kind of a 'jack of all trades' when it comes to utilizing my spare time (if I get any in the first place). I play with the kids, watch movies, shop, pick something around the house to organize or clean, or I scrapbook if I have a lot of uninterrupted time...which, with five kids, doesn't happen often. Lately however, I have taken on a whole new 'hobby'....I've discovered Facebook! I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. On one hand I get to catch up with friends I haven't talked to in years....but on the other hand....I am addicted! Hook, line, and sinker...I'm caught. I was once so into looking at a friends profile on Facebook that when I came up for air I had two kids and a dog sitting at my feet by the couch staring at me....like I was a t.v. or something. One kid had blue lips and the other had bright red lips from suckers they had gotten into. Judging from the blue around the WHITE dog's mouth...he got a few licks in too...YUCK!

Little by little I'm noticing the effects of unattended children thanks to Facebook. There are Coke cans half full in the living room, candy wrappers under tables, the milk carton was left out - cover less, and the scissors and glue are missing....nothing good ever comes from this! However, we think we know the culprit because on the top shelf, where we keep the scissors, the word "John" is written on my shelf paper....with one of my good pens of course! John is like Zorro, he always leaves his mark.

I don't know what it is that draws me to Facebook other than the chance the reconnect and have one big social get together without having to dress up and look nice. I'm starting to get into Mafia Wars too. This is something Matt got into and now I can't seem to draw myself away from it either. In Mafia wars you do 'jobs', fight other mafias, buy and sell properties and vehicles, and manage money of larger amounts than I'll ever see as a teacher. Aha!....now I know why I like Mafia Wars!....I actually make money doing jobs....unlike my real life, where I can't even get a job to make money. :-) Seriously, I have to spend a little less time on Mafia jobs and a lot more time on Mommy jobs before my house gets dismantled.

Well, it's 9:30 am on Sunday morning and Matt and John just got home from church. I guess it's time for me to get going and do some of those Mommy jobs again. I'll fight 'Angry Joe' and 'Dawn the Daminator' during nap time.

I really think God should join Facebook. Maybe people who haven't talked to Him in a long time would reconnect with Him and get to know him again....just a thought.

Stepping on Shore

The pictures I posted today are of Palm Beach in Florida. Matt and I had the wonderful opportunity to take a very short vacation to Palm Beach...just the two of us...for one weekend. The sand was soft and warm and the white noise the waves made, as they swept in and out of the shore line, was so calming. I'm not sure why, but something about sand, water, sunshine, and warmth brings peace to weary souls.

As I blog today and post this picture I am heavy hearted. On Sunday morning a girl I knew from Milwaukee Lutheran High School passed away in her sleep. She was only 35 years old - just two grade levels behind me and one grade level ahead of my sister, Karla. Although I seldom hear the words..."You've got your whole life ahead of you", I still can't help but feel 35 is still young and there are many more elements of life to enjoy. I understand that death is certain for all of us but when someone your age passes....you not only reaffirm the reality of death but you empathize the feelings. Oh... I've been thinking what it must have been like for her...did she die alone? Did she feel pain? As a parent I empathize with her parents and have already crossed the line by wondering what I would do should this ever happen to one of my daughters.... I cross the line in my mind a lot lately. I cross to where I shouldn't and take on grief I don't yet have the strength and tools to handle.

I am reminded in this specific post exactly why I titled my blog "This Side of Heaven". You see....I cross the line. I cross the line, in times like this, to where faith ends and fear begins...to where hope is in doubt and I question God's love. I cross the line when I convince myself that this wonderful young woman missed out on so many things in this life that she would have loved to experience. I cross the line when I shudder to think that she may have suffered before dying and lastly.... I cross the line when the world and all of her agendas, celebrations, and family ties mean more to me than the opportunity to rest in the loving arms of our Lord.

It's for these very reasons that I chose the title I did, "This Side of Heaven". This life we live now, on this side of Heaven, can never become more important to us than the life we are created to receive in Heaven through Jesus. We are only as far from our loved ones in Heaven as our days left on this earth and praise God we have the hope and assurance of eternal life in Heaven because of His Son, our Savior's sacrifice.

I am completely convinced that God views death in such a different way than we do. When we cry and mourn...He says, "I understand, I've felt it too"....When we feel deep despair and fear...He says, "I am really here...waiting, fear not"....And when we loose our love for life and see no value in living....He says, "The best is yet to come, trust me". God views death as a means to bring us to be with Him....and He has been waiting for each one of us to be with him since the beginning of creation.

It's at moments of heartbreak and despair that I am reminded of a song I heard often as a child called "Finally Home". The song is by Don Wyrtzen and the lyrics read...Oh just think of stepping on shore and finding you're in Heaven, of touching a hand and finding it God's, of breathing new air and finding it celestial, of waking up in glory and finding you are home.

NOTHING...absolutely nothing...in this life is worth clinging to or staying behind for when we are finally called home to our Savior's waiting arms. If earthly shores bring peace to the weariest of souls just imagine the peace that awaits when we finally walk with our Lord, our family, and our friends on the warm shores of Heaven.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace

OK...it's Saturday night and I'm just looking back at this past week. My conclusion is that It's been a l...o...n...g week. I started this post on Tuesday but have had one thing after another come up. Andy got sick with a virus that gave him red blotches all over and three nights this week we had school events to attend. One question comes to mind....Doesn't it seem like everything is done so far in advance in our world?....Swimming suits in March, school supplies in July, Halloween in September, Thanksgiving....what's this?....Christmas starts November 1st. It's completely CRAZY!!!!

It's the same with re-enrolling kids in private schools. This past Wednesday and Thursday we re-enrolled our kids for NEXT school year. It's only January; This year of schooling still isn't paid for and they want me to figure out how I'm going to pay for next year...and put $100 down on it! It's only by the grace of God that we'll be able to still send Kristin to Martin Luther next year......... The words of 1 Timothy 1:2 ...grace, mercy, and peace take on a whole new meaning when talking school tuition and financial aid.

I still haven't found a job but trust me, it's not from lack of effort. Just yesterday I sat for two and a half hours filling out an application with specific district questions. Apparently I was supposed to find 40 to 50 minutes of uninterrupted time to fulfill the process of submitting this application. Whoever came up with this process...program...whatever...was NOT a mom. Every time I left the computer idle for more than 20 minutes to fulfill one of my many roles as 'mom', the program sent me back the beginning of the section. Unfortunately, it didn't allow me to save my information until each whole section was complete. Ugh!

Sometimes life seems so overwhelming doesn't it? I feel like if I just had a job and we had enough money life would be so much easier.....Katelyn would be able to get lessons for the piano and guitar again, the kids would be reassured that they're going to their same schools next year, Matt's medical bills could be paid up to date, and all the things around our house we've been putting off fixing until we 'get money' would be taken care of. It's at times like this, I have to remind myself that God is in control and what He desires to give me...He will...and what He desires to withhold from me...He will. I guess there is nothing left for me to do but trust Him and wait for his will to unfold. I'm just not that good at being patient.

I know I'm not alone...a lot of people and families are having a hard time making ends meet in our current economy. A friend of mine told me last Sunday, that her family might have to sell their house and actually downgrade to afford to eat and pay bills. We're at that point too if I don't get a teaching job soon. I feel that I'm at position in my life where there's nothing to do but wait on the Lord and rest in His promise that all things will work together for good.

Today I'll pray that God grants me, and all others who need it, patience when we need it most and that He shows us His will through our current circumstances. We're not forgotten...His grace, mercy, and peace are with us each and every day....we just need to remind ourselves every day - God's will never leads us where His grace cannot protect us. Even through these l...o...n...g weeks.