Goodbye 2008

I'm having a hard time this new year's eve. My grandpa isn't doing so well and my kids are cranky because we can't get together with my sister and her family due to the fact that I seemed to have caught a bit of the intestinal flu from Matt and Andy. Instead of celebrating I feel like mourning the past year. I look older, feel older, and haven't met any of my new year's resolutions from last year. In fact...instead of loosing weight...I believe I actually gained weight. I'm not certain why I even make a new year's resolution each year because I never really keep it. I've tried everything in years past from cutting carbohydrates to cutting the use of swear words from my vocabulary. I think this year I will simply make more of a conscious effort to pray more....to ask, to thank, and to praise.

My prayer this new year is that I still have my grandpa at this time next year. I have to admit my prayer is a bit selfish.....he would rather be with grandma....soon. I remember a funeral two years ago when we were burying a cousin near my grandma's grave. I was standing by my grandpa as he clutched his walker while nodding at the plot next to my grandma's grave and whispered to me, "I want to be there". I saw for the first time in all the years I had been asking God to grant him a longer life with me that he didn't want to be here - on this side of heaven. He wanted to be with Grandma....his brothers, sister, his mother and father, and all the others. I imagine at 90 years old you begin to feel left behind.

I know someday soon the angels will come and take him home.....maybe this year. I'm sure Grandpa will be ready even though I won't.

Poor Andy!

Poor Andy! He's been sick the past two days and has had numerous baths in the sink thanks to leaky diapers. Yuck!!! At least he seems happy in the warm water....and sometimes the sink is just the easiest and closest. Matt isn't feeling too well either and we're not sure if it's the radiation treatments or an intestinal flu. We met with the radiation oncologist today and aside from some intestinal upset Matt seems to be doing okay with the treatments. One thing I have noticed is that he's very tired after each appointment.........it really drains him! More work for me - but I'm just happy he's getting treated and things are looking positive.
I was talking with Katelyn's Girl Scout leader today because Katelyn was at a sleepover at her house....anyway....I never knew it but she had breast cancer that advanced to a stage 4 before they even noticed it! Even her yearly mamogram missed it! She ended up going in to her doctor because of pain in her left shoulder and after numerous scans two breast tumors were found. I guess it just goes to show that you should know your body and always get something checked and double checked if you're not sure.
It's snowing again. I guess we're supposed to get only an inch but it's enough to make the roads a mess. I do however like the way the snow covers all the messy, muddy, wet ground. I don't like it when there's snow on the ground and the grass is showing in spots. Just a thing of mine I guess.

Merry CHRISTmas!

Hi again...It's been a busy few days. As I write this posting there is barley an inch of snow on the ground....with exception to the snow banks that take longer to melt of course. Over the course of six days...December 19 - December 24...our city got well over 22 inches of snow that has now suddenly melted! We definitely had a white Christmas this year. I just hope we don't have a flooded New Year's Eve. While I enjoy snow, this was excessive. The kids had a snow day on the 19th and spent most of the day playing in the snow. What a way to start Christmas vacation!
Christmas this year was very nice and very simple. Once again it was different from the year before. Last year was our first Christmas Eve without Matt's mom and this year was our first Christmas Eve without Matt's dad. His dad was unable to make it to our house this year because of the snow I mentioned earlier. For a change of pace my parents, who live in town near us, joined us Christmas Eve after church. The kids were so thankful to have grandparents over on Christmas Eve. Thankfully, Matt's dad was able to at least come down Christmas Day and have lunch with us. I remember as a child the all importance of having grandparents present at these important holidays.
I can't help but recall the first time I felt a "role" change at Christmas. I recollect it was the first Christmas I spent as a mom...14 years ago to be exact. Christmas felt a little "different" that year. I was now Mom to my baby and Christmas was observed through different eyes...I guess I was more the giver than the receiver for once. In years to follow I lost my own grandparents one by one and every Christmas changed...just a little. It seems my "role" at Christmas continues to change ever so slightly with each passing year and each passing person. I am now down to one grandparent left....My grandpa on my dad's side. He is 91 years old and I am so thankful to have him. In some ways I feel a piece of my early childhood Christmas memories still present and alive just because he is still with us. I'm not certain what next Christmas will bring but I'm so thankful that even though the faces and places of Christmas change...the CHRIST of Christmas and the story He encompasses remains the same...and always will.

Here We Go!

Well, here we go. This is my first post in this blog I started well over a month ago. My intent was to blog often but...well....that just hasn't happened. Life over the past month has been quite stressful to say the least.
To begin with we honored our children's Christmas lists and bought them a puppy. A little, white, hypoallergenic, non-shedding puppy which, by the way, we named Max. I know the name is not too creative but I had a cat as a child named Max and dearly loved him....so hence the name...Max. Anyway, we bought a puppy. We had our eyes on this one for awhile. He was used as a therapy puppy in a nursing home and then sent to the pet store. Now before I get ridiculed for succumbing to a pet store puppy mill puppy, Max was in some ways a rescue to us. Since he was a little older and larger than the tiny new puppies, Max had spent four long months in a cage within the pet store. The kids and I came in week after week to look at puppies and low and behold "our puppy" was still there. We felt bad for him and seeing him became a ritual that took place weekly. We told the kids we didn't have enough money to buy the puppy but when my parents offered to help us purchase him we humbly obliged and Max became our pet. We purchased him on a Sunday....Sunday, November 16th. Matt, me, all five kids, and my parents were present.
On Tuesday, November 18th, two days after bringing home the puppy, I received a phone call from our doctors office concerning Matt's test results from a recent ultrasound. We had written off bad news since nearly a week had passed since the exam. After answering the phone I heard the famous, bad news is coming soon, words....."The doctor would like you BOTH to COME IN and get the test results". Nothing peachy ever comes from those words when they're spoken related to medical test results. I remember asking the nurse....I think it was a nurse....if she knew the results and she replied, "no". Just, "no".....I knew she knew it was bad news but couldn't tell us anything.
After meeting with the doctor later that morning, Matt and I were told he has testicular cancer. I had a feeling something was wrong which is why I urged him to go to the doctor for a physical...I urged him for years! When we received the results I knew he had harbored this for awhile, maybe five years or more, and had a huge possibility of having a serious form of this cancer and possible spread to nearby lymph nodes. However, this was not a time for an "I told you so".
Matt and I were now faced with five children and a new puppy that all needed our attention when all we wanted to do was retreat to a quiet place and think. Think, plan, and pray....that's all you can do when you receive threatening news like cancer. Albeit testicular cancer has a high cure rate but it's still cancer.....I almost capitalized the word cancer.....like it deserves special treatment for just being cancer!
After the diagnoses of cancer, Matt was in surgery two days later and within five days informed that the cancer was a seminoma type cancer. Seminoma basically means a slower, more contained cancer.....thank God!!! After blood work and CT scans we were told there is no visible spread BUT radiation treatment is still advised. Matt will start 20 rounds of radiation therapy the week of December 22.
Through it all we are deeply thankful to God that Matt seems to have a great prognosis and much more life to look forward to. I got to thinking.....God says He will never give us more than we can handle but sometimes I wonder.....I wonder what His definition of HANDLE is.