Catching Up!

I realize that my previous post below is titled, "Last Day of School". I'm smiling as I write this because I guess our summer must have been extremely busy.....We are now into our first week of school in the new school year and I'm finally posting again!

This summer was filled with resume writing, outdoor excursions, applying for numerous teaching positions, and many opportunities to referee arguments and down right fist fights between my children. Something about long days together....every day.....in the same house....with the same toys....with the same people....who make the same mistakes....UGH!!! It doesn't help that money was tight so opportunities to get out were somewhat limited and to add to the ambiance our air conditioner doesn't work that well....it's the equivalent of putting two oscillating fans together in the far end of a gymnasium and hoping you feel the breeze clear across the room! It's simply not gonna happen! So yeah...turn up the heat, keep things uneventful and, poof....you have sibling rivalry!

Even though I won't miss the fighting I will miss the lazy days of summer. Days of sleeping in until 8 am (yeah that's sleeping in when you have a 1 year old), hanging out in pajamas until you have a reason to get dressed, and just being together and hearing the sounds of the house (yeah even though those sounds are sometimes screams, crying, and a barking dog). Life is so busy but yet so full of blessings!

Life has gotten even busier lately since I became the president of the PTL and have a new teaching job filling my schedule. I'm teaching preschool at Elm Grove Preschool. It's not the same Elm Grove school as my children's school (they go to Elm Grove Lutheran) but it's right across the street from them and Andy gets to go with me. I figure, if I can't be a stay at home mommy at least I can have my little guy with me! I'm enjoying the getting out of the house part but the job is tiring. I teach 3 year olds, mop floors, do dishes, and wipe lots of "things". It's not my dream job but it helps pay bills and that's what's needed now. Oh...did I mention?..... I really like the people I work with!

I guess in the long run life is what you make it. I'm feeling blessed to have my kids, my husband, my home....messy as it is.....and all of the other numerous things that inhabit my environment. I could go on and on but I won't because I'm tired and still have much to do tonight. With being gone during the day at my new job it seems like I'm always busy catching up!

Last Day of School!

The last day of school officially arrived! The kids were dressed in chapel clothes, their hands and faces were washed, their hair was meticulously combed, and the sound of birds singing could be heard outside as we went about our morning routine one last time.

Not so with many other days this year. There were days...I'm ashamed to say...that I nearly kicked them out the door and onto the bus because they were fighting with each other, wouldn't eat what I served for breakfast, or had neglected to do homework the night before and added stress to the morning by doing it then. Oh many days it wasn't pretty...and I wasn't pretty...as I stood there in my nightgown, with no bra on, hollering out the door, "Do you have your lunch?", "Did you remember your folder?", "John put your glasses in the case when you're not wearing them!", "Katelyn you dropped your notebook!", "Julie keep your dress down", "Don't play with the windows on the bus!", and my favorite..."John turn your pants around when you get to school!...Did you hear me?...Your pants are on backwards...turn them around at school!"

The end of every school year is bittersweet for me. I stroll down memory lane and remember when the school year started and how excited they were to wear the new clothes (although many were used from Goodwill or families who donated to us), the new shoes, everything down to even their underwear, socks, and school supplies are new and refreshed.

On the first day of school they hurry to the bus with smiles and excitement because they have a clean slate...a new beginning, a fresh start....kind of like a "do over".

Little do they know that after the bus pulls away that first day, I retreat to my messy kitchen and cry. I cry because summer is over...extra time with them is over...and they are a year older with one less summer to explore and enjoy during their childhood years. I know it sounds sappy but I guess I am just a sappy kind of mom and I know when it's over...it's over....School years can get "do overs" and "clean slates"....With parenting, when kids are finally grown and out of the house....there are no "do overs". It's simply over and you hope to have made the most of all of the time you had together. You hope they saw the best of you, forget the worst of you, and especially remember how much they meant to you....always.

As this school year ends and they hop on the bus one last time, I can't help but notice they're all a little taller, they have each outgrown at least one pair of shoes, and have managed decimated most of their folders, art supplies, and lunch boxes. However, in the midst rubble and destroyed school supplies, I am excited to see the beautiful "grown ups" they're becoming. As sad as I am to see them change...the change is for the best. Afterall...life must move forward.

Just like other years....As the bus pulled away this pretty June morning I retreated to our messy kitchen and cried. I strolled down memory lane visiting Julia's pumpkin farm field trip, John's zoo field trip, Katelyn's volleyball and track meets, Kristin's flute concerts, Christmas concerts, the spring concerts, and all of the many busy yet wonderful events that filled our family calendar...My last visit, however, was to the first day of school - where it all began. I remembered four happy faces with smaller hands and smaller feet and then I smiled......because they're still mine!

Casting Stones

Errr...Uggggh....AHHH!!!!! So many things going through my head and yet nothing I can or want to post for public viewing. I can only say that I'm relying on the belief that God works all things out for good...ALL things! I feel overtired, overdrawn, and impatient with life and my tolerance for ignorance is gone. Brutal isn't it?

It's sometimes hard to find the beauty in life with all the muck of current events clouding its' presence. I know it's there...I've seen the beauty before...but sometimes it's hiding and I need to dust off and re-polish a few things to see it.

It's cold and rainy again today which doesn't make the job of finding beauty very easy but it does bring to light that everything, like rain, has a time. Ecclesiastes chapter 3 reminds me that God is OK with everything having its' time.....even hating and casting stones!

I've been casting a lot of stones lately. As I mentioned before, I'm tired of ignorance. I rarely watch the news because it's ignorance's breeding ground. I'm sick of every network from ABC to CNN because they either point out the atrocities of this sick and twisted world we live in or they confirm by simply opening their mouths that most of our global news is through the views of ignorant liberals. It is for this very reason that I avoid most news...even local and weather. I figure I can look out the window and see the weather and as far as local news goes...well...Matt always updates me on new news issues because his computer is set to open up to news on the homepage....definitely not for me!

In spite of depressing news and being angry at liberal news anchors, I have usually been able to shake the gloom and doom disposition and move on but lately I just can't. I hope Jesus comes soon and judges them all on everything from killing babies to killing one of the last Christian countries around. Oh well...time to go dust and re-polish a little more.

My Name is Terri and I'm Addicted to Facebook

There is usually a section on questionnaires where the question..."What are some of your hobbies and interests?"...pops up. I know it's strange but I always had to think ..."What in the world do I actually like to do in my spare time?" I'm kind of a 'jack of all trades' when it comes to utilizing my spare time (if I get any in the first place). I play with the kids, watch movies, shop, pick something around the house to organize or clean, or I scrapbook if I have a lot of uninterrupted time...which, with five kids, doesn't happen often. Lately however, I have taken on a whole new 'hobby'....I've discovered Facebook! I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing. On one hand I get to catch up with friends I haven't talked to in years....but on the other hand....I am addicted! Hook, line, and sinker...I'm caught. I was once so into looking at a friends profile on Facebook that when I came up for air I had two kids and a dog sitting at my feet by the couch staring at me....like I was a t.v. or something. One kid had blue lips and the other had bright red lips from suckers they had gotten into. Judging from the blue around the WHITE dog's mouth...he got a few licks in too...YUCK!

Little by little I'm noticing the effects of unattended children thanks to Facebook. There are Coke cans half full in the living room, candy wrappers under tables, the milk carton was left out - cover less, and the scissors and glue are missing....nothing good ever comes from this! However, we think we know the culprit because on the top shelf, where we keep the scissors, the word "John" is written on my shelf paper....with one of my good pens of course! John is like Zorro, he always leaves his mark.

I don't know what it is that draws me to Facebook other than the chance the reconnect and have one big social get together without having to dress up and look nice. I'm starting to get into Mafia Wars too. This is something Matt got into and now I can't seem to draw myself away from it either. In Mafia wars you do 'jobs', fight other mafias, buy and sell properties and vehicles, and manage money of larger amounts than I'll ever see as a teacher. Aha!....now I know why I like Mafia Wars!....I actually make money doing jobs....unlike my real life, where I can't even get a job to make money. :-) Seriously, I have to spend a little less time on Mafia jobs and a lot more time on Mommy jobs before my house gets dismantled.

Well, it's 9:30 am on Sunday morning and Matt and John just got home from church. I guess it's time for me to get going and do some of those Mommy jobs again. I'll fight 'Angry Joe' and 'Dawn the Daminator' during nap time.

I really think God should join Facebook. Maybe people who haven't talked to Him in a long time would reconnect with Him and get to know him again....just a thought.

Stepping on Shore

The pictures I posted today are of Palm Beach in Florida. Matt and I had the wonderful opportunity to take a very short vacation to Palm Beach...just the two of us...for one weekend. The sand was soft and warm and the white noise the waves made, as they swept in and out of the shore line, was so calming. I'm not sure why, but something about sand, water, sunshine, and warmth brings peace to weary souls.

As I blog today and post this picture I am heavy hearted. On Sunday morning a girl I knew from Milwaukee Lutheran High School passed away in her sleep. She was only 35 years old - just two grade levels behind me and one grade level ahead of my sister, Karla. Although I seldom hear the words..."You've got your whole life ahead of you", I still can't help but feel 35 is still young and there are many more elements of life to enjoy. I understand that death is certain for all of us but when someone your age passes....you not only reaffirm the reality of death but you empathize the feelings. Oh... I've been thinking what it must have been like for her...did she die alone? Did she feel pain? As a parent I empathize with her parents and have already crossed the line by wondering what I would do should this ever happen to one of my daughters.... I cross the line in my mind a lot lately. I cross to where I shouldn't and take on grief I don't yet have the strength and tools to handle.

I am reminded in this specific post exactly why I titled my blog "This Side of Heaven". You see....I cross the line. I cross the line, in times like this, to where faith ends and fear begins...to where hope is in doubt and I question God's love. I cross the line when I convince myself that this wonderful young woman missed out on so many things in this life that she would have loved to experience. I cross the line when I shudder to think that she may have suffered before dying and lastly.... I cross the line when the world and all of her agendas, celebrations, and family ties mean more to me than the opportunity to rest in the loving arms of our Lord.

It's for these very reasons that I chose the title I did, "This Side of Heaven". This life we live now, on this side of Heaven, can never become more important to us than the life we are created to receive in Heaven through Jesus. We are only as far from our loved ones in Heaven as our days left on this earth and praise God we have the hope and assurance of eternal life in Heaven because of His Son, our Savior's sacrifice.

I am completely convinced that God views death in such a different way than we do. When we cry and mourn...He says, "I understand, I've felt it too"....When we feel deep despair and fear...He says, "I am really here...waiting, fear not"....And when we loose our love for life and see no value in living....He says, "The best is yet to come, trust me". God views death as a means to bring us to be with Him....and He has been waiting for each one of us to be with him since the beginning of creation.

It's at moments of heartbreak and despair that I am reminded of a song I heard often as a child called "Finally Home". The song is by Don Wyrtzen and the lyrics read...Oh just think of stepping on shore and finding you're in Heaven, of touching a hand and finding it God's, of breathing new air and finding it celestial, of waking up in glory and finding you are home.

NOTHING...absolutely nothing...in this life is worth clinging to or staying behind for when we are finally called home to our Savior's waiting arms. If earthly shores bring peace to the weariest of souls just imagine the peace that awaits when we finally walk with our Lord, our family, and our friends on the warm shores of Heaven.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace

OK...it's Saturday night and I'm just looking back at this past week. My conclusion is that It's been a l...o...n...g week. I started this post on Tuesday but have had one thing after another come up. Andy got sick with a virus that gave him red blotches all over and three nights this week we had school events to attend. One question comes to mind....Doesn't it seem like everything is done so far in advance in our world?....Swimming suits in March, school supplies in July, Halloween in September, Thanksgiving....what's this?....Christmas starts November 1st. It's completely CRAZY!!!!

It's the same with re-enrolling kids in private schools. This past Wednesday and Thursday we re-enrolled our kids for NEXT school year. It's only January; This year of schooling still isn't paid for and they want me to figure out how I'm going to pay for next year...and put $100 down on it! It's only by the grace of God that we'll be able to still send Kristin to Martin Luther next year......... The words of 1 Timothy 1:2 ...grace, mercy, and peace take on a whole new meaning when talking school tuition and financial aid.

I still haven't found a job but trust me, it's not from lack of effort. Just yesterday I sat for two and a half hours filling out an application with specific district questions. Apparently I was supposed to find 40 to 50 minutes of uninterrupted time to fulfill the process of submitting this application. Whoever came up with this process...program...whatever...was NOT a mom. Every time I left the computer idle for more than 20 minutes to fulfill one of my many roles as 'mom', the program sent me back the beginning of the section. Unfortunately, it didn't allow me to save my information until each whole section was complete. Ugh!

Sometimes life seems so overwhelming doesn't it? I feel like if I just had a job and we had enough money life would be so much easier.....Katelyn would be able to get lessons for the piano and guitar again, the kids would be reassured that they're going to their same schools next year, Matt's medical bills could be paid up to date, and all the things around our house we've been putting off fixing until we 'get money' would be taken care of. It's at times like this, I have to remind myself that God is in control and what He desires to give me...He will...and what He desires to withhold from me...He will. I guess there is nothing left for me to do but trust Him and wait for his will to unfold. I'm just not that good at being patient.

I know I'm not alone...a lot of people and families are having a hard time making ends meet in our current economy. A friend of mine told me last Sunday, that her family might have to sell their house and actually downgrade to afford to eat and pay bills. We're at that point too if I don't get a teaching job soon. I feel that I'm at position in my life where there's nothing to do but wait on the Lord and rest in His promise that all things will work together for good.

Today I'll pray that God grants me, and all others who need it, patience when we need it most and that He shows us His will through our current circumstances. We're not forgotten...His grace, mercy, and peace are with us each and every day....we just need to remind ourselves every day - God's will never leads us where His grace cannot protect us. Even through these l...o...n...g weeks.

Self Portraits

I was putting up some artwork from John and Julia today and I realized that I admire the confidence I see in my three youngest children. They are so proud of whatever they do. The pictures they made for me are perfect examples of this. They handed them to me so impressed with the fact that they created self-portraits that looked exactly like themselves (in their view). I really wish they could hold onto that confidence and assurance forever. Inevitably however, somewhere along the way...around the age of eight or nine...I'm sure one by one they will get their first reality check that - not everyone likes them and what they do.

It's interesting that while we're infants, toddlers, and very young children, everyone is kind to us, everyone approves of us...even mistakes are over looked and our self-worth is still high. But around the age of eight some kids realize that by putting other kids down they feel worth even more. I used to see this when I taught third grade. Third grade is actually a hard year for many students. Their bodies are physically awkward and changing....they're realizing the power of words and expressions and actions. They mimic what they see in their families by testing their novice display of attitude on their peers. It's usually around the third grade level that children come home with the saying..."Nobody likes me!". Remember the song?.... "Nobody likes me everybody hates me I guess I'll go eat worms". It's like that.

I have learned from Kristin and Katelyn that even though as parents we acknowledge and hold high their accomplishments...they will still undoubtedly be knocked down by someone at one time or another. However, I have recently discovered that our work as parents is not in vain. It's so important to keep holding them high because even when we think our praise and adoration for their work isn't worth much...believe me...it is. Kristin still likes to bring home positive notes and Katelyn still likes her best work displayed on the refrigerator.

It's my opinion that home should be an embassy of safety and acceptance for kids. No matter how crooked their lines are drawn, how backwards their 3's and 5's may be, or even how ragged their tired school age bodies appear in the doorway after a long day's work...they should feel accepted and valued. So as long as they bring them to me...I'll tack up the self-portraits of stick figure images, and tape up the over glued Popsicle stick crosses because it tells them I care and think they're pretty neat.

15,000 Feet Above Chicago

I just wanted to post a couple pictures Matt took during his travels with Strategic Business Systems. The pictures were taken with his cell phone out of his airplane window, 15,000 feet above Chicago! I couldn't resist using one as the picture at the beginning of my blog.

One of Those Days

Today I thought I would blog a little about why I blog....if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like I need an outlet for my feelings and, well, writing just seems to be that outlet. I feel when the feelings get put into writing they're expressed, validated, and redeemed. If I'm frustrated... I write...it keeps me sane! If I'm sad...I write....it helps me sort through the grief. And if I'm happy...I write....I like to share moments of joy.

Today is especially one of those days I feel like expressing my feelings. First off...I'm growing weary in my search for a teaching job. I've sent my resume to more school systems, childcare centers, and even tutoring centers than I can remember. And to simply put it; there are more teachers than teaching jobs. I've been to five interviews of which two of them actually stood me up! The last one to stand me up was on Sunday. I was supposed to meet this person named "Kizzy" at a Starbucks on the east side at 6pm....I live on the WEST side! I drove 40 minutes to wait at Starbucks for an hour only to have to drive back another 40 minutes still never having had the interview. Two day later "Kizzy" decided to bless me with an email explaining that she was there at 5pm but had two other interviews and she was sorry she missed me...she asked if I would like to set up another interview! I'm sorry...only swear words come to mind.

This leads me to my second reason for blogging today....I really dislike stupid adults...you know...those adults who act before thinking and live life in their own bubble, disregarding others needs. Adults like "Kizzy", with poor excuses for effecting others lives in negative ways, should all live on an island together so the rest of us can be productive here on the mainland. I'm sure we all know numerous adults who need to board the ship to that island. Oh well..."He who angers you conquers you"...so I'll let my frustrations roll off me like Teflon and refocus. Tomorrow is another day....even if it's not another dollar!

I Just Want Mom!

As I'm writing this, Julia, my four year old, is sitting next to me (with her blanket in tow) shouting to her cousin..."I just want Mom!" My nephew, Ben, is apparently looking at her through the Diego telescope and it doesn't make her happy. It's on days like this that nothing else gets done around the house. All of my energy is exhausted on caring for the kids and making sure no one breaks something, hurts someone else, or takes off all their clothes. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my babysitting days. I watch my nephew, Ben, and another little boy named Ryan. Ryan is about 19 months but speaks like he's a three year old....he's quite amazing! His parents call him a "Little Parrot"....he repeats a lot of what he hears. I've learned from Ryan that it's important to know as much about a child as you can BEFORE you let the child around your husband and children. I believe this "Little Parrot" went home after the first two days with an enriched vocabulary of words and phrases like ...."shut-up", "stop acting stupid", "you're not my friend", "don't pinch me", "Andy's gonna bite me!", and my personal favorite he picked up from me...."Don't swear Matt". It's amazing what's said in one day among siblings - and husbands - when quarters get cramped.

Nap time is soon. I always love this time of day when I can sit for a few and reorganize my thoughts. I usually figure out what I'm going to make for dinner and then watch a short T.V show. I think I'm going to bake some chicken legs tonight even though John and Katelyn won't eat them. Ever since John discovered the bones are real and Katelyn discovered a vein in her chicken breast....chicken is scrutinized by the two of them. I can feed them chicken nuggets...I guess they think nuggets don't come from a "real" chicken. Oh well, time to go reorganize my thoughts for awhile.

For Crying Out Loud!

Being home with the kids and couped up has me going a little stir crazy. The first "Cold Day" is nice because it's a welcoming change to spend a whole uninterrupted day with all five and the puppy. However, the next day is a 7 on a scale of 1-10 because it's still nice but they're getting into things I normally like clean and organized. By day three the scale of peace and bliss drops to a mere 2 and by day four....well....peace and bliss are gone! The house is in shambles and so is my appearance. I find myself already at 10:00 am yelling, "For crying out loud!!....settle down...stop touching him....stop hitting her....just walk away....clean up that mess!". I finally have them cleaning their rooms from yesterday's play and creations so I thought I would blog a moment.

It's still cold out but not as cold as Thursday and Friday. I took a few pictures of our upstairs bedroom window. The ice patterns were so beautiful...although the pictures don't do them justice. After taking the pictures I realize that we have to get new windows. I believe the beauty is supposed to be the view outside the window not on the window!

I'm a little bummed because we missed church today. Matt had to work last night and went in about 1:00 am. He didn't get home until almost 7:00 am. The job had to be completed at night while no one else was on the system. The past couple days he's been exhausted and having stomach problems...all probably due to the radiation treatments we suspect. Tuesday is his last treatment and we're so happy. Hopefully all this exhaustion and nauseousness will be over within a week or so and life can get back to normal for him.

Speaking about normal...school resumes tomorrow and our schedules should return to normal also. I like the way life switches routes unpredictably at times....the excitement and build-up of watching the news for your school's name to display the word 'CLOSED' after it, leisurely waking up to a less rushed routine, and being able to parade around in pajamas...all day...with uncombed hair. On the other hand, I also like the way it feels when life returns to 'normal' and routines return to auto-pilot, the bus pulls away with my mess-makers, and I can replenish my supply of patience.

Well, I better finish my coffee before the kids get done cleaning their rooms and the next circus starts. If I don't drink it now I won't get to drink it 'for crying out loud'!

Brrrrrr!!!!!

January certainly made its' presence known over these past two days. We have had wind chills hovering around -35 and all schools are closed. Even the regular temperature seems to struggle reaching 0. I know I live in Wisconsin but.....Brrrrrrrr!!!

I was letting the dog out late last night....actually early this morning....at about 2:30am and everything outside was so still and silent. Even the wind chimes on my tree were frozen. The only sound to be heard was that noise you hear when the snow crunches as it settles or gets stepped on. Everything was hibernating outside...trees, grass, outside toys, the swing set, bushes, the uncovered barbecue grill, and my old flower pots....resting under mounds of frozen snow....everything was winter. Have you ever noticed that each season has its' own scent. Spring smells like rain and wet pavement.....Summer smells like warm air, fresh cut grass, and barbecue grills.....Fall smells like leaves, burning leaves, and fireplaces.....and Winter smell like cold air, pine trees, frozen metal, and snow blowers. Last night I could smell only cold....maybe all the other smells were frozen too!

As I am writing this post the kids (all home from school due to the cold weather) have transformed the living room into a giant neighborhood of tents. I posted a picture of it at the beginning of this entry but you really can't see the full extent of it. This tent village continues around the corner too. Even Kristin participated...I love how she still embraces her imagination and plays with the so called "little ones". I think she gets enjoyment out of being the foreman and landlord by telling them how to build, where to build, and the restrictions on who is allowed to live together! You know us oldest children....we always have to take the lead. For the most part they all play well together and as a mom I treasure watching them interact in a world of imagination. Now there are five but soon there will only be four....I'm sure even the idea of foreman and landlord won't even entice Kristin to "play" within a year or so. Kids grow up so fast...too fast.

A little update on Matt....He is down to only 3 more radiation treatments if you count today. He gets tired from them and a little nauseous but overall is handling them well. He has been able to continue to work through the treatments and, in fact, is at work now. God is good. Time to go and make some hot chocolate for the kids.

Favorite Images From 2008