Grace, Mercy, and Peace

OK...it's Saturday night and I'm just looking back at this past week. My conclusion is that It's been a l...o...n...g week. I started this post on Tuesday but have had one thing after another come up. Andy got sick with a virus that gave him red blotches all over and three nights this week we had school events to attend. One question comes to mind....Doesn't it seem like everything is done so far in advance in our world?....Swimming suits in March, school supplies in July, Halloween in September, Thanksgiving....what's this?....Christmas starts November 1st. It's completely CRAZY!!!!

It's the same with re-enrolling kids in private schools. This past Wednesday and Thursday we re-enrolled our kids for NEXT school year. It's only January; This year of schooling still isn't paid for and they want me to figure out how I'm going to pay for next year...and put $100 down on it! It's only by the grace of God that we'll be able to still send Kristin to Martin Luther next year......... The words of 1 Timothy 1:2 ...grace, mercy, and peace take on a whole new meaning when talking school tuition and financial aid.

I still haven't found a job but trust me, it's not from lack of effort. Just yesterday I sat for two and a half hours filling out an application with specific district questions. Apparently I was supposed to find 40 to 50 minutes of uninterrupted time to fulfill the process of submitting this application. Whoever came up with this process...program...whatever...was NOT a mom. Every time I left the computer idle for more than 20 minutes to fulfill one of my many roles as 'mom', the program sent me back the beginning of the section. Unfortunately, it didn't allow me to save my information until each whole section was complete. Ugh!

Sometimes life seems so overwhelming doesn't it? I feel like if I just had a job and we had enough money life would be so much easier.....Katelyn would be able to get lessons for the piano and guitar again, the kids would be reassured that they're going to their same schools next year, Matt's medical bills could be paid up to date, and all the things around our house we've been putting off fixing until we 'get money' would be taken care of. It's at times like this, I have to remind myself that God is in control and what He desires to give me...He will...and what He desires to withhold from me...He will. I guess there is nothing left for me to do but trust Him and wait for his will to unfold. I'm just not that good at being patient.

I know I'm not alone...a lot of people and families are having a hard time making ends meet in our current economy. A friend of mine told me last Sunday, that her family might have to sell their house and actually downgrade to afford to eat and pay bills. We're at that point too if I don't get a teaching job soon. I feel that I'm at position in my life where there's nothing to do but wait on the Lord and rest in His promise that all things will work together for good.

Today I'll pray that God grants me, and all others who need it, patience when we need it most and that He shows us His will through our current circumstances. We're not forgotten...His grace, mercy, and peace are with us each and every day....we just need to remind ourselves every day - God's will never leads us where His grace cannot protect us. Even through these l...o...n...g weeks.

Self Portraits

I was putting up some artwork from John and Julia today and I realized that I admire the confidence I see in my three youngest children. They are so proud of whatever they do. The pictures they made for me are perfect examples of this. They handed them to me so impressed with the fact that they created self-portraits that looked exactly like themselves (in their view). I really wish they could hold onto that confidence and assurance forever. Inevitably however, somewhere along the way...around the age of eight or nine...I'm sure one by one they will get their first reality check that - not everyone likes them and what they do.

It's interesting that while we're infants, toddlers, and very young children, everyone is kind to us, everyone approves of us...even mistakes are over looked and our self-worth is still high. But around the age of eight some kids realize that by putting other kids down they feel worth even more. I used to see this when I taught third grade. Third grade is actually a hard year for many students. Their bodies are physically awkward and changing....they're realizing the power of words and expressions and actions. They mimic what they see in their families by testing their novice display of attitude on their peers. It's usually around the third grade level that children come home with the saying..."Nobody likes me!". Remember the song?.... "Nobody likes me everybody hates me I guess I'll go eat worms". It's like that.

I have learned from Kristin and Katelyn that even though as parents we acknowledge and hold high their accomplishments...they will still undoubtedly be knocked down by someone at one time or another. However, I have recently discovered that our work as parents is not in vain. It's so important to keep holding them high because even when we think our praise and adoration for their work isn't worth much...believe me...it is. Kristin still likes to bring home positive notes and Katelyn still likes her best work displayed on the refrigerator.

It's my opinion that home should be an embassy of safety and acceptance for kids. No matter how crooked their lines are drawn, how backwards their 3's and 5's may be, or even how ragged their tired school age bodies appear in the doorway after a long day's work...they should feel accepted and valued. So as long as they bring them to me...I'll tack up the self-portraits of stick figure images, and tape up the over glued Popsicle stick crosses because it tells them I care and think they're pretty neat.

15,000 Feet Above Chicago

I just wanted to post a couple pictures Matt took during his travels with Strategic Business Systems. The pictures were taken with his cell phone out of his airplane window, 15,000 feet above Chicago! I couldn't resist using one as the picture at the beginning of my blog.

One of Those Days

Today I thought I would blog a little about why I blog....if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like I need an outlet for my feelings and, well, writing just seems to be that outlet. I feel when the feelings get put into writing they're expressed, validated, and redeemed. If I'm frustrated... I write...it keeps me sane! If I'm sad...I write....it helps me sort through the grief. And if I'm happy...I write....I like to share moments of joy.

Today is especially one of those days I feel like expressing my feelings. First off...I'm growing weary in my search for a teaching job. I've sent my resume to more school systems, childcare centers, and even tutoring centers than I can remember. And to simply put it; there are more teachers than teaching jobs. I've been to five interviews of which two of them actually stood me up! The last one to stand me up was on Sunday. I was supposed to meet this person named "Kizzy" at a Starbucks on the east side at 6pm....I live on the WEST side! I drove 40 minutes to wait at Starbucks for an hour only to have to drive back another 40 minutes still never having had the interview. Two day later "Kizzy" decided to bless me with an email explaining that she was there at 5pm but had two other interviews and she was sorry she missed me...she asked if I would like to set up another interview! I'm sorry...only swear words come to mind.

This leads me to my second reason for blogging today....I really dislike stupid adults...you know...those adults who act before thinking and live life in their own bubble, disregarding others needs. Adults like "Kizzy", with poor excuses for effecting others lives in negative ways, should all live on an island together so the rest of us can be productive here on the mainland. I'm sure we all know numerous adults who need to board the ship to that island. Oh well..."He who angers you conquers you"...so I'll let my frustrations roll off me like Teflon and refocus. Tomorrow is another day....even if it's not another dollar!

I Just Want Mom!

As I'm writing this, Julia, my four year old, is sitting next to me (with her blanket in tow) shouting to her cousin..."I just want Mom!" My nephew, Ben, is apparently looking at her through the Diego telescope and it doesn't make her happy. It's on days like this that nothing else gets done around the house. All of my energy is exhausted on caring for the kids and making sure no one breaks something, hurts someone else, or takes off all their clothes. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my babysitting days. I watch my nephew, Ben, and another little boy named Ryan. Ryan is about 19 months but speaks like he's a three year old....he's quite amazing! His parents call him a "Little Parrot"....he repeats a lot of what he hears. I've learned from Ryan that it's important to know as much about a child as you can BEFORE you let the child around your husband and children. I believe this "Little Parrot" went home after the first two days with an enriched vocabulary of words and phrases like ...."shut-up", "stop acting stupid", "you're not my friend", "don't pinch me", "Andy's gonna bite me!", and my personal favorite he picked up from me...."Don't swear Matt". It's amazing what's said in one day among siblings - and husbands - when quarters get cramped.

Nap time is soon. I always love this time of day when I can sit for a few and reorganize my thoughts. I usually figure out what I'm going to make for dinner and then watch a short T.V show. I think I'm going to bake some chicken legs tonight even though John and Katelyn won't eat them. Ever since John discovered the bones are real and Katelyn discovered a vein in her chicken breast....chicken is scrutinized by the two of them. I can feed them chicken nuggets...I guess they think nuggets don't come from a "real" chicken. Oh well, time to go reorganize my thoughts for awhile.

For Crying Out Loud!

Being home with the kids and couped up has me going a little stir crazy. The first "Cold Day" is nice because it's a welcoming change to spend a whole uninterrupted day with all five and the puppy. However, the next day is a 7 on a scale of 1-10 because it's still nice but they're getting into things I normally like clean and organized. By day three the scale of peace and bliss drops to a mere 2 and by day four....well....peace and bliss are gone! The house is in shambles and so is my appearance. I find myself already at 10:00 am yelling, "For crying out loud!!....settle down...stop touching him....stop hitting her....just walk away....clean up that mess!". I finally have them cleaning their rooms from yesterday's play and creations so I thought I would blog a moment.

It's still cold out but not as cold as Thursday and Friday. I took a few pictures of our upstairs bedroom window. The ice patterns were so beautiful...although the pictures don't do them justice. After taking the pictures I realize that we have to get new windows. I believe the beauty is supposed to be the view outside the window not on the window!

I'm a little bummed because we missed church today. Matt had to work last night and went in about 1:00 am. He didn't get home until almost 7:00 am. The job had to be completed at night while no one else was on the system. The past couple days he's been exhausted and having stomach problems...all probably due to the radiation treatments we suspect. Tuesday is his last treatment and we're so happy. Hopefully all this exhaustion and nauseousness will be over within a week or so and life can get back to normal for him.

Speaking about normal...school resumes tomorrow and our schedules should return to normal also. I like the way life switches routes unpredictably at times....the excitement and build-up of watching the news for your school's name to display the word 'CLOSED' after it, leisurely waking up to a less rushed routine, and being able to parade around in pajamas...all day...with uncombed hair. On the other hand, I also like the way it feels when life returns to 'normal' and routines return to auto-pilot, the bus pulls away with my mess-makers, and I can replenish my supply of patience.

Well, I better finish my coffee before the kids get done cleaning their rooms and the next circus starts. If I don't drink it now I won't get to drink it 'for crying out loud'!

Brrrrrr!!!!!

January certainly made its' presence known over these past two days. We have had wind chills hovering around -35 and all schools are closed. Even the regular temperature seems to struggle reaching 0. I know I live in Wisconsin but.....Brrrrrrrr!!!

I was letting the dog out late last night....actually early this morning....at about 2:30am and everything outside was so still and silent. Even the wind chimes on my tree were frozen. The only sound to be heard was that noise you hear when the snow crunches as it settles or gets stepped on. Everything was hibernating outside...trees, grass, outside toys, the swing set, bushes, the uncovered barbecue grill, and my old flower pots....resting under mounds of frozen snow....everything was winter. Have you ever noticed that each season has its' own scent. Spring smells like rain and wet pavement.....Summer smells like warm air, fresh cut grass, and barbecue grills.....Fall smells like leaves, burning leaves, and fireplaces.....and Winter smell like cold air, pine trees, frozen metal, and snow blowers. Last night I could smell only cold....maybe all the other smells were frozen too!

As I am writing this post the kids (all home from school due to the cold weather) have transformed the living room into a giant neighborhood of tents. I posted a picture of it at the beginning of this entry but you really can't see the full extent of it. This tent village continues around the corner too. Even Kristin participated...I love how she still embraces her imagination and plays with the so called "little ones". I think she gets enjoyment out of being the foreman and landlord by telling them how to build, where to build, and the restrictions on who is allowed to live together! You know us oldest children....we always have to take the lead. For the most part they all play well together and as a mom I treasure watching them interact in a world of imagination. Now there are five but soon there will only be four....I'm sure even the idea of foreman and landlord won't even entice Kristin to "play" within a year or so. Kids grow up so fast...too fast.

A little update on Matt....He is down to only 3 more radiation treatments if you count today. He gets tired from them and a little nauseous but overall is handling them well. He has been able to continue to work through the treatments and, in fact, is at work now. God is good. Time to go and make some hot chocolate for the kids.

Favorite Images From 2008