I'm having a hard time this new year's eve. My grandpa isn't doing so well and my kids are cranky because we can't get together with my sister and her family due to the fact that I seemed to have caught a bit of the intestinal flu from Matt and Andy. Instead of celebrating I feel like mourning the past year. I look older, feel older, and haven't met any of my new year's resolutions from last year. In fact...instead of loosing weight...I believe I actually gained weight. I'm not certain why I even make a new year's resolution each year because I never really keep it. I've tried everything in years past from cutting carbohydrates to cutting the use of swear words from my vocabulary. I think this year I will simply make more of a conscious effort to pray more....to ask, to thank, and to praise.
My prayer this new year is that I still have my grandpa at this time next year. I have to admit my prayer is a bit selfish.....he would rather be with grandma....soon. I remember a funeral two years ago when we were burying a cousin near my grandma's grave. I was standing by my grandpa as he clutched his walker while nodding at the plot next to my grandma's grave and whispered to me, "I want to be there". I saw for the first time in all the years I had been asking God to grant him a longer life with me that he didn't want to be here - on this side of heaven. He wanted to be with Grandma....his brothers, sister, his mother and father, and all the others. I imagine at 90 years old you begin to feel left behind.
I know someday soon the angels will come and take him home.....maybe this year. I'm sure Grandpa will be ready even though I won't.
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